Fall is here and while the weather isn’t what I expected so far, I will forever have love for this season. Everything looks so cozy even when there’s a crispness in the air.
The one teeny (yet popular) detail I don’t like about fall is Halloween. While I don’t celebrate, watching all the decorations go up gives me the chills….hehehe. Seriously. ☹
Now if you know me, you’ll know about my fear of basically everything. I know, I know. Medgina? Afraid? The answer is a solid yes. I can’t sleep in the dark or watch a scary movie or listen to a scary story or breathe at a normal pace if a cat is five feet away from me (long story). My fears have prohibited me from doing soooo much and I didn’t realize it.
Sometimes we confuse our crutches/comfortableness with the fact that we’re just afraid of growing up, being vulnerable or standing up for what we believe in.
Recently, I’ve been asking my family and close friends their initial reactions to who I was when they first met me and their responses were pretty much the same. They thought I was outgoing and easy to talk to. I hear this a lot but I also know I can be intimidating. Whether it’s when I speak my mind or point of view or I say nothing at all – that’s the persona I give off sometimes.
Here I am, afraid of the dark yet not working harder to be the light!
Past experiences keep this brick wall up around me and it’s my crutch. I assume I know the person, situation, anything before I even know the facts,just so I can build the wall even higher.
There are times where you see the pain of the past inside something that’s right in front of you that it becomes hard to open up. It becomes a habit. You guarding your heart because the fear of being vulnerable seems like: *que hair flip* “I just know better so I keep my guard up.” You can’t just know, you have to do better too! Knowledge without action is a waste. Putting up a front that you’re okay and that nothing affects you honestly gets old.
You’ll never be happy if chains of the past latch on to each step you attempt to take forward.
Confidence is the key every time you’re afraid or don’t want to take risk. Whether that’s walking past a cat hehehe or finally talking to the cute kid you always see around.
Confidence is especially important in scary situations. My fears seemed extremely minor when I heard about the college shooting in Oregon. I was at lost for words. I stayed up for hours crying, praying, thinking; my heart felt liked it weighed a thousand pounds.
I thought more about it and knew for a fact that I know I wouldn’t lie about my faith. That God’s plan,(while we don’t understand all the time), is for a reason. A temporary home on Earth can’t compare to a never-ending paradise in heaven.
I thought of the bravery and unashamed faith of the students who said that they were Christian and felt encouraged.
I’ve allowed myself to hold on to the fears I’ve had since childhood. Building more walls around me because I didn’t want to be viewed as weak. Pushing people away because letting my guard down would possibly lead to regrets.
Living in fear is exhausting. You might not realize it, but as humans we’re afraid of a LOT. If you don’t take a chance, things will get boring. You might be in a cycle and not even recognize it.
Now here’s a task to take a step on gaining some confidence. Be kind to someone today. Our face might be resting with “something” that actually scares other people away! Take any opportunity to help someone (even on your worse day), it may be a blessing in disguise ☺